Crazy summer of 2011

Yes. It's been a while. The fact is all my friends are grown-ups now. And so am I. Does it mean the end of our crazy adventures, summer flings, fast track boyfriends, easy girlfriends? Is it from now on all to expect a maternal call from within to fulfill one more task? Baby crying, diaper changing, early mornings, dull eyes, duller skin, flat shoes and sweatshirts? No drinks, no early hour shame walks? It feels odd to believe so. So, I tripped and fell, rolling down the memory lane... The time not so long ago that felt like being 16 again.

Hot summer days can literally boil your brain. This is proven by the story that happened somewhere in some city with some certain crowd of people that somehow got lost after that summer night. Drinking from the bottle with different connotation. Terrace in the middle of the week where drinks were proposed and none rejected. Wine, strong, stronger... Talks, laughs, hidden smiles, flirtations, first kisses and blackouts. It went on well in the night, flying high and falling deep. The next morning. When alarm clock went off at 6 am. Not knowing their names, their location. Vehicle left on some parking, grabbing a cab and trying to look normal in the office. The hardest working day whatsoever. Stomach had made serious acrobatic flip overs umpteen times until the clock stroke noon. Lunch. At last. Smell in the cafeteria brings back hot memories lingering from last night. Who with whom? Some couples were made, some unmade. What's done is done. Now is time to recover or try to recover what can be recovered. It will take a while, at least for pride to regain its former status. To return to daily routine, forget what needs to be forgotten and keep those precious one-on-one moments.

We don't really talk about that certain terrace night. There were so many embarasing, cheerful, funky, sexy, moving and rememberable moments that only one special look can grasp. We glance at each other... And smile. 

Woman. Period. How to handle? (part III)

Mastering nuclear physics - check. Flying a jet plane - check. Handling woman with period - what? That is achievable? With no superpowers?

Yes, we have heard plenty of jokes about handling women in comparison to men. About all the buttons we posses and men only one (I dare you to guess). Mission can become really impossible if woman is in that time of the month (perhaps some comment, Tom Cruise? Climbing that rock isn't so difficult after all, right?). However, there is simple logic behind it and if you follow some ready to use algorithms, those bloody days can pass by with an easy. Or at least easier.

Allow me to explain...

Our breasts can grow up to a one cup size and if you are able to button up your shirt and breath normally, than you're a winner. Men might find swollen breasts one of the nicest benefits of cycle, yet we are not so happy about it. It is painful. Please, do not in any circumstances touch our nipples. And pretty please, do not pretend you are turning on the music trying to rotate them around. Avoiding these gestures can save a lot of harsh words.
As if painful breasts are not enough, water in our body expands over some boundaries. It goes to places we do not want it to be. Such as our thighs and calves (zipping the boots was never so stressful). Stomach grows. Just over night. As if you were in 5th month of pregnancy. Yes, we can feel fat. You might not see the change, but trust me, it is there.

Putting physical changes aside leaves us with mood swings. Oh the joy. Looking at a commercial for cereals can be ever so emotional with tears in the end. Some women find everything surrounding them completely annoying, and this includes themselves as well. No discrimination. As bizarre as it may seem, the picture above roughly describes uncontrollable feelings we can neither hide nor manage. We do know we are unbearable, however, some magical force is preventing us to behave in acceptable way.

Sometimes it really feels like we are going to bleed to death, with painful cramps and no friends around, since we scared them off with our irrational habits. Please, bear with us. Keep calm and make some tea. Eventually, we are coming back ;)

xoxo

Harlem Shake

Since it's tremendously popular... My sis & her hubby also made a version of it. Oh, their doggy is camera assistant :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NongjGczQpg

Man's style through woman's eyes

Yesterday evening I was having my regular Friday night drinks with the ladies. For the first time in a long time we talked just a little about sex, to be more precise, about circumcised penises and what equipment suits our needs better (this "penis topic" is an open always ongoing discussion seen somewhere here). Then all of the sudden we came to the yet unknown territory. Males outfits. It's not that we don't have an opinion of our own about it (yes, women have an opinion about basically everything, even the stuff we are completely clueless), it's just that we haven't been taking about it. Since a friend went out on date with a guy that completely suits all of the descriptions below, we need to address the matter asap. And from what we discovered, this hidden but very public subject should be approached more frequently.

Let me begin from the bottom...

Shoes

Any kind of hiking, trekking option is a total no-no, unless you are (obviously) hiking somewhere in the nature and everyone around you is dressed in the same way. Which is completely appropriate, even desired. 
Crocs are instant deal breaker. I am very strict about this particular piece of horror. If it was up to me, I would force people with Crocs pay some sort of penalties, although they are being worn just around the house for gardening section. No. No. No.

Trousers, jeans, pants

First and probably most important is the length. Pants are not supposed to dance freely around your ankles. Ankle length is allowed with skinny tight pants (you know, the version seen mostly on hipsters), and even in this case they cannot move around the ankle since they completely wrap your legs.
How high? What? How high is you waistline, I mean. Gentlemen, please... If we can actually see your family jewels while standing straight (one ball on each side hanging over a male version of camel toe, or both on one side - I can't really decide which is worse), get rid of these pants. Immediately if not sooner.

Upper body clothing

There is a whole variety of clothing worn as a top, so I am just going to point out the most critical mistakes men make.
Fancy shirt under a sweatshirt. What, you're going clubbing after gym, or straight to the hills after party? I am not really getting this combination, and - as it seems - no woman does.
Sponsored t-shits. You can wear them for cleaning, repairing your car, running, waking your dog, just being at home... but, please, for the sake of our innocent eyes, do not wear them under any circumstances on a Friday night. Thank you!

Ok, these are some basic instructions or, better yet, guidelines to follow. For detailed manual talk to you girlfriend, friend or even mom (that can be critical, so be careful when taking this path).

And remember... 

Fashion fades, only style remains the same.
- Coco Chanel

xoxo

Female facts

Women tend to fantasize on a regular basis in comparison to men. Lack of imagination? Or simply lost of touch with firm grounds? It makes no difference whatsoever. The fact is a fact. And it remains there regardless of reasoning. I came to thinking about this precise subject over some recent happening with the two friends of mine. A he and a she. He was a classic example of him, she was a schoolbook case of her. They have managed to get involved on a level higher than age of innocence, when innocence turned guilty. Guilty as charged. From storybook's point of view this ship was caught in a light breeze which made its progress effortlessly through the sea of love with no visible storm ahead. From 21st century's point of view the breeze was about to become a hurricane. Why is that so, many of you (especially men), might ask. Well, let me explain...

Women, correction, most women are capable of inventing some sort of reality after sleeping with a man. Their reality, that has nothing to do with the actual one, hence my conclusion about fantasizing in a daily routine. After some bedroom activities comes thinking about him. Not just a thought or two here and there, but serious full-time job type. When the burden of self-induced thoughts explodes out of handling proportions, it's time to call in some backup. Less subjective judges, also known as the friends. Since I don't want to be too harsh on women, I'll only mention subtly that those judges are (almost) never less subjective, since the procedure of bringing out conclusions goes through the same wheels in the brain. Analysis of every single detail worthy of a PhD thesis comes into full swing. However, results are vague (as in great part of PhD thesis). To be quite honest, there are still unsolved mysteries about the chicken and the egg, so how can we expect to deciphre man's way of perceiving women? Not by inventing umpteen versions of the same story (with happy ending, of course), I can tell you that.
If we look at the male version of after sex thinking, you shall soon be able to conclude, why there's a breeze turning to a hurricane...

So, men, on the other hand, forget about details. They actually stop thinking about you and go to work. They hang out with their friends not even mentioning your existence. Some of them are dating in between and praying upon other women. They go to gym, they eat and most of all they live. Have you noticed how much shorter this paragraph is? Do you understand? They live. We should think about doing the same instead of spending worthless hours discussing petty details and reviving memories. Go out. Laugh. Smile. Flirt. And most of all... If you want to see him, call him. It's not that he doesn't want to, he is just busy. Doing other things.

The prettiest conclusion is that that hurricane will become a light breeze again, when we realize the simplicity of male functioning. Yes, it is that simple...
Please, grab your phones, log in to chat, do your thing. And enjoy.


xoxo

How to handle women part II

In the cold winter days I tend to have plenty of tea, coffee and everything liquid, that can warm you up. Since I am pretty talkative I like to do it in company. Friendly company. So, I sat down with sort of a friend of mine. Sort of, because we see each other so rarely, however, we have managed to bare with our atypical relationship for years. She mentioned something has happened to her and she needed someone to talk to, hence the tea time in the city centre.

Recently she has been thinking about sleeping with her long time friend. She knew him for years, fancied him even longer and that was that. The feeling turned out to be mutual, yet they have remained just friends. Until very recently. The passion went through the roof and there was no way to resist the inevitable... I almost didn't dare to ask how was it. Almost. Her expression made me think in was Amazing with a capital A. Her nod confirmed it. So, what went wrong that a drink with me was in total need...? He didn't call, didn't text.
Oh...! I forgot to mention. She has someone. A boyfriend. A boyfriend that's not her longtime friend she was banging. But that doesn't change the post-sex protocol, that every man should know. No matter if you're rolling in the hay with married, single or just boyfriend-ized woman.

Lesson no. 1

Check how she is. Especially if she has a boyfriend and you have known her since you were practically kids. She will need support. She has just done a horrible thing (the cheating part, I mean) and she has poor sleep quality, let alone quantity. Just send the f*** message. Take her to a coffee. I believe there are not many people she can talk about this precise night. Yes? Yes.
That goes also for single women. Just let her know you are thinking about her. Unless it was a one-night stand and you don't even know her name. Or she doesn't know yours. And you don't have each other's numbers. Emails. Whatever.

Lesson no. 2

From what I heard, if the sex is amazing, you will probably try to repeat the deed regardless the immoral taste it left behind. If the feeling was mutual, you should let her know. And plan ahead. The kinky part. 
If the feeling wasn't mutual... Well, that's where you start ignoring her. And that can have consequences on the friendship. At least for a while. Mending it is difficult and time consuming. However, possible.


After re-reading these paragraphs, I have realized I am pretty immoral. No lectures about being a cheating girlfriend, no sermon, no nothing. Well, I am not the one to judge. We will have to leave that for other occasions.

xoxo

Necessity of sharing...

My very dear friend moved to LA some time ago and she is facing "funny" questions all the time, especially about her home country Slovenia. So, I decided to post her response to all the "smart" questions...

I am from SLOVENIA, THAT IS IN EUROPE.

NO, it's not next to Russia.
NO, Europe is not a country.
NO, there is not such thing as "European language".
NO, it's not always cold.
NO, you won't see a bear walking around the house.
YES, we do ALL travel around the world.
YES, we do have cars. 
YES, we do have TV and COMPUTERS (even Macs and stuff).
NO, we don't have so fat people as you have it here.
YES, we do have our own president.
NO, we don't have states.
YES, we do have McDonald's, we just choose not to eat in it 5 times a day.
YES, we do look good every day.
YES, we do expect a man to be a gentleman.
YES, our accent is hot.
NO, we are not playing hard to get we ARE hard to get.
NO, there is no war. 
YES, we celebrate Christmas.
YES, we know everything.
YES, we speak 5 languages.
YES, we are different and amazing ;))

And some additional info here. Check the map, please!

Enjoy. 

xoxo

2013

New year always begins with some kind of promises, resolutions and anything that fits in that group. I have managed to notice that many of you decided to "put to sleep" your Facebook profile. I haven't decided yet if that's fine with me, since some of my fans disappeared over night...

Regardless, in 2013 I wish you childlike directness, unforgettable sleepless nights and lots of Nutella. Because all good things come in three...