Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Dick ride

Every time when I think about my drained idea resources, my dear friends provide me with yet another story worth sharing. Again, such evening occurred yesterday and I still feel thrilled to have taken part in last night’s drink. To cut to the chase, there was much talking about penises and bicycle rides. You can’t seem to find any connection? Try harder...
A gorgeous friend of mine (yes, yes, tall, blond, long slim legs...) lives on the outskirts of Ljubljana. To go to work she frequently uses bike (perhaps this is the reason for her exquisite legs?). Nothing very unusual so far. It seems we need to go farther, so let’s do it.

Did you enjoy the ride?

Relaxing afterwork ride home can become a race in an instant, whether you are prepared for it or not. Coming closer to her house, there was on the pavement, sitting on a bike and embracing a traffic light, a slightly drunk person. To be quite honest and sticking to a facts in the story, it is fair to say that there was a very drunk man hugging the pillar. She passed him by with great caution as it seemed he might fall any minute now. However, his ability to sit upright so drunk on a bike triggered a pure amazement.
After a few minutes heavy breathing and undefined other sounds were coming from behind her back. She ignored it al long as she could, but as women are curious by nature, she had to turn and look eventually. Done so, she established that the sight was not so magnificent. The drunken dude was following her and - horror of all horrors - masturbating while literally chasing her. She pushed a little harder, her pedals rotating briskly. The drunken dude was still following her. How’s that possible? He was barely able to stand straight, but now he was performing his very own version of Tour de France. Luckily she was in shape and she could have gone like this for long, but there were some red lights involved (the traffic light - don’t get nasty-minded), so she had to stop. As she looked at him, she gave him the “come on!” look and said: Oh, come on! Could you just go away, please? His reply was perhaps somewhat different from expected: Just a little now... little... rghhhh arghh. Ahhhh... That was it. He had concluded his street art performance. However, Mr. Dick van Ride remained polite and even thanked her in the end.
Well, at least he had manners.
This got me to thinking... Is there any law that defines the highest allowed speed while masturbating? You know, something like Ministry of Health advises: don’t drive and masturbate. No need to speed under those circumstances.
Perhaps something to think about. They are discussing about useless laws all the time, anyway...